


Ballet Shoes and Bridges

by MsBluebell



Series: Recovery [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abused Keith (Voltron), Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Family, Family Fluff, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Adoptive Siblings, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Recovery, Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Team Bonding, Team as Family, Terminal Illnesses, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:13:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsBluebell/pseuds/MsBluebell
Summary: Keith is a loner, everyone knows that, but the team tries to bond with him anyway. After all, it's good for the paladins to bond, it makes them stronger.Or, five times someone accidently triggered Keith Kogane, and the one time someone knew what was going on.





	1. Food

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story is going to mention past intances of abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: This story goes into mentions of past child abuse. I put this in the tags, but I'm serious.

Hunk doesn’t know much about Keith.

Back at the Garrison, Lance had kind of an obsession with the guy, so Hunk knows  _a_   _little_  based on that, but nothing real personal.

Keith’s sort of like a walking contradiction in Hunk’s eyes. The red paladin likes to be alone, except that’s not true because Hunk’s joked with him and watched him laugh out loud at the party back on Arus. Keith is angry, except that’s also not true because he never really got mad when Hunk said some admittedly pretty messed up stuff about him and being Galra. He’s also an emo, except Hunk has seen him genuinely smile a lot of times.

Keith’s too complicated just to fit into a box, Hunk decided, just like everyone else. It’s probably not fair just to chalk him up as ‘the loner’ or ‘the hot head’ like Pidge had tended to do sometimes.

But there was _one_  thing that Hunk knew _for sure_  about Keith.

He didn’t eat too much.

The Samoan man noticed it over the course of several dinners and lunches. It was a subtle thing at first, but Keith was one of the last to grab food, and he always made sure there was little on his plate ant that he only took the tinniest bites to make it look like he’d eaten as much as the others.

It, frankly, concerned Hunk a bit.

Food was a big part of Hunk’s life. It wasn’t _just_  a hobby for him, it was a way of life and a reminder of the Samoan islands. Of home, his mama, and everything he left behind on earth. He missed to'ona'i every Sunday and dinners with his family, and cooking was his way of feeling _at home._

Food was important, and the fact that Keith wasn’t eating worried him a lot.

Taking care of people and making sure they eat was a large part of who he was too.

Hunk didn’t know a lot about Keith, but he knew that he’d get his new friend to eat one way or another.

The yellow paladin did know enough about Keith to realize that he wouldn’t appreciate being outright confronted about it, or having it pointed out in front of the rest of the team. So Hunk decided he’d have to be subtle and try to catch his fellow paladin during their off time.

He also knew enough about Keith to realize that the best place to catch him during downtime was in the training deck, which was also concerning actually, so Hunk readied himself in a strategic spot on the was to the train deck on the day he was ready. With Lance thoroughly distracted with Coran and the rest of the team busy with their own stuff, it was the perfect excuse to talk to the red paladin.

“Oh Keith!” Hunk brightened when he spotted the pale boy making his way down the hall, “Good timing dude! I could really use your help.”

Keith paused, blinking a bit in confusion, almost like he was trying to comprehend what was just said to he. He frowned a bit, looking around like he was checking to see if anyone else was there, before turning back to Hunk, “Me?”

“Yeah man.” Hunk nodded, “I could really use some help in the kitchen. Do you mind?”

Keith paused a bit, sinking into himself a bit, but eventually responded to Hunk’s question, “Alright.”

Hunk beamed, “Thanks man! You’re really saving my skin here!”

The taller paladin attempted to throw his arm around Keith’s shoulder in a show of affection, only for the boy to flinch a bit at the sudden movement. Hunk frowned a bit, watching the frozen Keith, but relaxed with the pale boy unfroze and relaxed into the affectionate gesture.

The Samoan relaxes as well once he’s sure Keith is comfortable.

It’s a short walk to the kitchen, and a comfortable silence has settled between them. Once they’re inside Hunk sits Keith down at the table and gets to work.

“So…” Keith starts, “What do you want me to do?”

“I need you to help me decide if the food is edible or not.” Hunk grins at the, frankly too thin, guy, “You don’t mind, do you?”

Keith shakes his head, “No.”

“Oh! Good!”

Hunk set out to work, trying out some of the spices they’d picked up at the last planet they’d visited for supplies. They don’t always get paid for their work saving the universe and whatnot, but sometimes the locals gave over what they could and spices were almost always on the table these days. They’d even given over some meat and something that looked like noddle’s that he was saving for a special occasion.

Silence falls over them again, and it’s containable, but Hunk realizes he doesn’t know much about Keith and figures now’s a good time to fix that, “Sooo…got any hobbies?”

Keith blinks at him a bit, looking around a bit like he couldn’t believe Hunk would just make casual conversation, straightening himself up a bit as he turns to look at Hunk, studying him like he’s some kind of mysterious entity.

“I used to draw a lot.” Keith admitted slowly, cautiously, “Before we left earth I would draw or paint in my free time.”

“Really?” Hunk hums, surprised by the knowledge. He didn’t take Keith as the kind of guy that would do something so…peaceful and artistic. He would admit that he had a certain image of Keith built up in his head, thinking about him as the kind of guy that spent all his time sword fighting and collecting knives and stuff like that.

“Yeah.” Keith nods, a bit more comfortable now, relaxing his tense shoulders a bit, “I used to do it all the time. I did photography as well.”

“Huh.” Hunk lets out the little noise, honestly and completely surprised. It was funny what you could find out about a person by just _talking_ to them. He probably shouldn’t feel like his whole perception on life has changed, but that’s what the simple revelation felt like.

“I like to cook, obviously.” Hunk supplies, gesturing towards the pile of ingredients he has gathered, “But I also like to tinker with things. Find broken stuff and fix them, y’know?”

“I get that.” Keith nodded, “I’m not nearly as good as you, but I learned how to fix stuff back at the shack.”

Hunk frowns a bit at that.

He’d forgotten about the shack after everything that’d happened, but now his mind is going back to it. How long had Keith lived there? Didn’t he have an adult with him? He was only seventeen when he was kicked out of the Garrison? Didn’t his parent take him in? Were they living there too? Were they close by?

It occurs to Hunk that he doesn’t know much about Keith. He knows about Lance’s family, and Pidge’s, heck, he knows about Coran’s and Allura’s, but he doesn’t know about Keith. Or Shiro’s come to think about it. They just…never brought them up.

“Did…” Hunk gulps a bit, suddenly nervous, “…did you fix stuff for your family?”

Keith freezes a bit.

Hunk is aware that Keith’s family might be a heavy subject, the whole Galra thing and whatnot, but he’s also not sure what he expects. Hunk had always pictured that Keith was maybe only a little bit Galra, with human looking parents, and maybe they hid it from him.

Now he’s not so sure.

“No.” Keith answers simply, “I was on my own.”

And that statement _really_  concerns Hunk, because that meant that Keith had spent all the time between his explosion, at _seventeen,_ and finding Shiro in a desert shack with no running water or electricity by himself.

Did he have any money? How did he eat?

“What about your family?” Hunk frowns, concerned, “Where were they?”

“Shiro was in space.” Keith shrugs, “Not his fault.”

 _Shiro was in space_ , Hunk thinks, _and there was no one else_. And wasn’t that just…the saddest thing? Keith might very well have no one on earth that would miss him if he never came home. His only family, apparently, was Shiro. And how had Hunk missed _that?_

“Oh.” Hunk says softly, turning back to mixing his ingredients, a little ashamed he hadn’t realized it sooner, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Keith shrugs, “It happens.”

 _No it doesn’t_ , Hunk can’t help but think to himself, _seventeen year-olds aren’t just kicked out of school with no friends or family to turn to and expected to survive_.

“I used to dance too.” Hunk says instead, changing the subject to a topic Keith might be more comfortable with. They’d definitely be revisiting that particular issue later, but for now he would rather deepen his blossoming friendship with Keith enough to actually be graced with the details of that subject first, “I learned all the traditional dances back at home.”

Keith _really_  perked up at that, “I did ballet for three years.”

Hunk jerks back, more than a little surprised, _“Really?”_

“Yeah.” Keith actually _smiles_  fondly at that, his eyes glazing over like he’s thinking of some far off memory, “My ballet teacher said I was the best she’d ever seen, I was thinking about going professional for a long time, but I ended up joining the Garrison instead. My older partner, Cadence, cried for days. I don’t think she ever forgave me.”

It was the most Keith had _ever_  spoken to Hunk, and he wasn’t about to let this miracle go to waste, “Tell me about it.”

Keith perked up more, folding his arms and leaning over the table, watching as Hunk put the food in the oven while he talked, “I was a character artist at the theater I performed in.”

Keith said it so proudly that Hunk couldn’t help the swell of pride in his chest, even if he didn’t have any idea what it meant, “That sounds cool.”

“It was.” Keith nodded, “I’ll never forget the time I got to play Carabosse in Sleeping Beauty. That was wild.”

Hunk had _never_  seen a ballet, much less Sleeping Beauty, so he just nods along, “Why’d you pick the Garrison then?”

Keith frowns, and Hunk realizes that the smaller guy _maybe_  hadn’t wanted to choose the Garrison for good reasons.

“I could make more money as a pilot.” Keith explains, sinking into himself a bit, “Shiro and I needed it at the time.”

Hunk frowns, Shiro was a celebrity in the space exploring community, and he made plenty of money.

“Can I ask why...or is that too personal?” Hunk gulps a bit, wondering just _how_  badly Keith needed the money if he’d been willing to give up a dream career for it.

Keith shakes his head, “It doesn’t matter now.”

The bell on the oven dings, and Hunk is grateful for the excuse to turn away from Keith for a moment and collect the hot food from the oven. He grabs the pan with mitted hands, bringing it over to the counter to sit and cool. But the time he turns back to Keith, the other boy has straightened out his face a bit.

“So…” Hunk starts again, this time venturing to safer waters, “You and Shiro have known each other for a long time then?”

“Since I was thirteen.” Keith shrugs.

“Wow.” Hunk blinks, “That _is_  a long time. How’d you guys meet? Did he come to your school or something?”

“No.” Keith answers, but doesn’t elaborate.

Hunk decides not to push the subject. Instead he turns towards the food, looking a lot like red mac & cheese, before gathering a spoon full and blowing on it until it was cool enough to put in his mouth.

“Hmm.” Hunk hums at the taste, it taste more like spaghetti than cheese, but it’s the most delicious thing he’s had in _months._

“Keith! Try this!” Hunk scoops up another spoonful and holds it towards the boy.

Keith takes one look at the noodles and blanches, “No thanks.”

“Come on man, try it.” Hunk insists, shaking the spoon a bit, “It’s waaaaay more edible than the other stuff I’ve made, I promise.”

“No.” Keith shakes his head.

“Come on man, you need to eat sometime.” Hunk insists again, a bit more concerned now.

“I’m fine.”

“Keith, just take a bite man, it won’t kill you.” Hunk leans forward.

Keith jerks back, his eyes blowing wide and chair hitting the ground as he goes. He doesn’t say anything, he just bolts, running out of the kitchen like his heels were on fire. And Hunk can only stand there and stare, wondering what happened.

“Keith.” He whispers, regret pooling in his stomach, “I’m sorry man.”

But Keith isn’t there to hear him.


	2. Jumping

Pidge isn’t sure where she falls into the realms of her relationship with Keith.

With the others it’s easy to know her place. Hunk is her science partner, they’ve bonded over their mutual love of all things science, and they’ve become good friends and partners as a result. Lance she isn’t _quite_  as close to, but they share a history stemming from their shared experiences at the Garrison, and she’s come to appreciate his similarities to Matt in a way she hadn’t known she needed.

Shiro had an overwhelming guilt complex revolving around her brother than made him even more fatherly and protective of her than he would have already had been, which, given her age, would have been great enough if they’d met as perfect strangers. Allura made attempts at bonding with her over their mutual experiences as the only female members of the team. And Coran had taken the same subtle parental role he expressed for all the other paladins.

Those relationships were easy to pin down and simple for her to understand.

Keith was…harder.

At first, Pidge had assumed that the older boy simply liked being alone. It wasn’t anything damaging, some people were just naturally introverted. She, herself, was an introvert by nature, and it was easy to become overwhelmed with the rest of the castle were all clear extroverts. She just figured that Keith had a lower level of tolerance than she did when it came to social situations. Mostly because he was a bit of an asshole.

That’s why she initially chalked him up as a loner. She figured he liked being alone far more than being around the rest of the paladins. That, and his reaction to her leaving made her think that he was a bit of an unsympathetic jerk.

Now…

She’s beginning to realize that, maybe, people might be a bit more complicated than what she assumed. Keith certainly was.

Thinking back on it…Keith had a protective streak. It wasn’t something he drew attention to, it was just his knee-jerk reaction to things. He was quick to step between potential danger and the other members of the team, even Allura back when he barely knew her on Arus. It must have been something she’d subconsciously picked up from the red paladin, because when she stepped back and thought of her past actions, it seemed that she gravitated towards him when something bigger and stronger than her was in the room.

It certainly put a kink in her theory that Keith didn’t like people.

The girl let her brown eyes trail over the red paladin’s unconscious form, his limp body floating in the healing pod like it was submerged in water, his face twisted even in rest.

A nightmare perhaps?

It did nothing to help the guilt welling in her stomach.

The other paladins wouldn’t return from their missions for a while, several vargas at least, and she sincerely hoped that Keith would be healed by the time Shiro and Lanced returned, if only so she would have a solid grasp on what, exactly, happened, because the details escaped her.

She hadn’t expected Keith to take the brunt of the fall for her.

When their mission had gone south, when everything had gone wrong and they’d been chased out of the base and into the woods and away from the lions…

Keith knew what he was doing a lot more than she did. She was supposed to be the paladin with the deepest connection to the forest, but in reality she’s a technological shut in that’s never gone camping a day in her life. She’s had training in the castle, and a little in the Garrison, but she hadn’t been entirely prepared for the forest.

Keith had known exactly what to do.

The red paladin had grabbed her hand and run them through the forest much faster than she could have made it on her own, and he seemed to know how to identify the tress and familiar landmarks enough to keep them from getting turned around.

“I’m used to the woods.” Keith had shrugged once they had gotten away from the overwhelming army of…things…that had chased them, “I’ve done this before. Come one, they know these woods better than us, and it won’t take them long to catch up.”

“You don’t seem like the camping type.” Pidge commented as she let the older boy lead her down some path that only he could spot.

“I wasn’t camping.” Keith grumbled, and didn’t elaborate beyond that.

Hiking, then, Keith was apparently a hiker. Not that it seemed to fit any better than camping either, but then again what would she know. Keith apparently liked to spend all his time in a shack in the desert studying ancient rock formations because he “felt drawn” to them. Though, thinking about it with new context, it seems like the Blue Lion was calling to him. Which was…strange.

She hadn’t had time to think too much on that particular line of thought though, because their pursuers had caught up with them.

The lifeforms guarding the base were something between a kimono dragon and a land squid with horrifying, razor sharp, claws and deadly looking teeth. She and Keith had been able to take out a large group of them together, especially since Keith’s specialty in combat was using his agility to dodge opponents and then strike them down quickly while she came up and took out after they were downed, but there were simply too many even for their superior strategy and advantage. It didn’t help that these things were surprisingly quick, the speed of their many arms able to keep up with even Keith’s inhuman reflexes.

So they’d retreated, hoping to get back to the Lions.

But then they were surrounded again, in that forest, with Keith pulling out his bayard and standing back to back with her. There had to be at least ten of those things, a number that normally wouldn’t be a problem for the two of them if only these things hadn’t been _so quick._

The creatures leapt as one, going in for the kill with their razor sharp claws, but Keith was quick. He grabbed her and ducked down, rolling under them with her small body pressed close to his chest. The red paladin immediately took a swipe at the creatures stuck mid-leap, taking at least three of them out. Then he threw himself to his feet, her body still pressed against his, and took off.

That’s when they found the cliff.

The cliff was actually more of a canyon, a least a mile down from the cliff top to a river surface, and at least a mile and a half to the other side. Jumping, she had quickly calculated, would be their best chance of getting away from the creatures. If they activated the boosters on the back of their armor then they could slow down their decent enough to land safely in the water.

“Keith we have to jump.” Pidge had stated, turning on the red paladin, the creatures already composing themselves and gaining on them.

Keith, though, had frozen.

That was when Pidge knew something was wrong. Keith didn’t freeze. Keith _never_  froze in battle, and it was a sign of own _wrong_  things had gone.

“Keith!” Pidge had grabbed his arm and shook the frozen boy, making his head lob back and forth, “Keith! Snap out of it! We have to jump before they catch us! It’s the only way!”

That only caused the red paladin to tense up more, a small hiss escaping his lips as his body coiled and wound up like a spring.

The creatures were only a few feet away from them at this point.

“Keith!” Pidge had screamed desperately. Then with little other choice, she bodily threw herself at the red paladin, sending them both off the edge of the cliff.

The unfortunate part of being forced to throw themselves off the cliff that way? It was hard to coordinate themselves. Pidge tried to straighten them out, she really did, but their bodies tumbled and twisted in ways that made it impossible for her to slow their decent.

Keith seemed to realize what was happening halfway through the fall and twisted himself with much more control than she had. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, pulling her tightly against him as he twisted his body until she was on top of him and his back was facing the water.

He said something then, but she was too panicked and screaming too loudly to hear.

They hit the water with a sound like shattering glass. The liquid rushing into her mouth and drowning her within seconds. Keith’s arms had gone limp around her, and her whole body hurt something fierce, but she knew it was her turn to do something again because now Keith was starting to float away limply.

Pidge grabbed the now unconscious red paladin, kicking desperately towards what she hopped was the surface. She spit the water out of her mouth, letting her helmet even out the air levels she need to breath as she looked around for the direction she needed to paddle.

She followed the bubbled, kicking desperately towards the surface, hoping nothing was behind her.

She broke the surface of the water with desperate gasp, Keith’s head coming with her and lulling lazily to the side. He was definitely unconscious, possibly concussed, and she didn’t like the strange angel that his arm was floating. But he was breathing, and Pidge thanked whatever gods existed for that fact.

Pidge had the horrible feeling Keith would be dead if it weren’t for their armor.

The creatures, apparently, weren’t foolish enough to jump into the river after them, and she let the waters carry them out of sight. A large roar sounded though, and Pidge knew the Red Lion had felt Keith’s pain through their bond.

That’s how they ended up here, now, back on the castle ship with Keith in a healing pod and Pidge waiting alone with a hand pressed gently against the glass surface. Left to wonder what had happened as Coran scrambled to communicate with the others.

“I just don’t understand.” Pidge muttered as she pressed her hand against the glass, counting down the ticks until the boy would be let out, “What happened?”

Keith looked so _young_  in there, so much smaller than he’d ever seemed before. Somewhere along the way Pidge had built up an image in her head, one of this unbreakable badass loner who probably won bar fights by himself and could have punched away anyone who stood between him and his goals. Keith had seemed so _big,_ an unstoppable storm of rage and hot-headed determination during battle.

But he froze, and now he looked so small.

While Pidge had never though Keith could win every fight he was in, she’d never thought he could be _broken,_ and that’s how he looked right now. Broken.

She should have known she was probably wrong about her initial impression of him. People were never her forte, and the nuances of interpersonal communication was beyond her. That was more Lance’s area, so she felt reassured by her impression because clearly _Lance_  didn’t like him so something _had_  to be wrong.

And now she was left to wonder where she miscalculated.

“I’m sorry Keith.” Pidge pressed her forehead against the glass, “I’ll be better. I promise.”

She knew he couldn’t hear her, of course, he was unconscious and healing beneath a thick, glass, wall that kept him separated from the world. Glass that felt so _cold_  under her fingertips. How had she never realized how cold these things were before?

“I’ll get to know you better.” She promised the unconscious boy anyway, saying the words more to reassure herself than in any hope the boy inside would hear her, “I know you’re the loner and all, but I’m going to get to know you better.”

Keith couldn’t possibly be that big of a jerk if his first instinct during that trip was to protect her, right? Thinking back on it, she’s not even sure if he’s such a loner. Sure, he often stood away from the group, but it wasn’t like he _pulled away_  from them. He interacted when he could, took part in group activates, never turned down an invitation to spend time with them…

_Oh._

He’s shy.

Guilt is an emotion Pidge isn’t familiar with by virtue of the fact that she was rarely made aware of the things she said wrong. Maybe people just never felt the need to call her out on things too often, being the youngest in the group and the one most open with her frustrations about her missing family. But she knows she’s insensitive at times, especially when she doesn’t mean to be, and Matt had called her out on it plenty of times in the past. She wouldn’t be surprised if she’d said a lot more things that may have been hurtful.

Her point; Keith clearly didn’t like being alone half as much as she’d claimed in the past. Furthermore, her miscalculations could have very well reinforced the idea that he _did_ like being alone to the others.

Or maybe she’s just trying to place blame on herself for Keith’s pain because of the guilt she felt at the fact he got hurt?

Pidge places her forehead against the glass, letting the coolness of it spread across her skin, thinking deeply about the interactions she’d observed between Keith and the others. He didn’t shy away from touch, took part in team exercises, willingly went along with things he was dragged into without objection...

He was broken up about Lance forgetting what Keith called their “bonding moment”. He willingly seemed to grasp for a connection to people, launching onto the Olkari philosophy about connectedness and taking it seriously, and seemed dejected when she and the other’s laughed at his seriousness.

…

Had that been an attempt by Keith to make a connection with them? Had he taken their laughter as rejection?

It didn’t matter now, Pidge decided, because even if her speculation was wrong she was still going to be better. She was going to spend time with him, and get to know him, and…and…

He could have died today, when he took the hit to that water, and she wouldn’t have had _anything_  to say at his funeral.

Pidge’s fingers curled against the glass, “Why’d you freeze up like that Keith? You never freeze.”

She asked that, but Keith wasn’t really there to hear.


	3. Foster Care

Sometimes Allura forgets that Keith is half human.

She is, of course, well aware that the red paladin was only half Galra _at most_ , but it was hard to separate the idea that he was Galra from his identity no matter how little he looked it, or the fact that he had very obviously not been raised under Galra culture. It does not help that human culture is apparently very varied and different from each other, and she has very little idea which “country” Keith had come from, giving her little idea what his identity may be.

She knows she can’t define him my his race or culture, but the small fact she cannot fully think of something about the red paladin, outside his appearance, that wasn’t a very Galra trait made it hard to think of him as human.

Allura, in recent time and after much thought, felt somewhat humbled by the information. She knew that the relationship between she and red paladin hadn’t exactly been the closest, even before he shared his Galran lineage with the team. But now she found she couldn’t separate him from that identity despite the fact Keith could very well be more human than Galan.  
It was enough to make her feel ashamed.

Alteans were diplomats, they had a long and established history or exploration, of cultural studies under the philosophies of peace and understanding without prejudice. She knew he hatred of the Galra went against this philosophy, but it was so _difficult_  not to hate them after they’d taken _everything_  from her.

She needed someone to blame, and the truly were at fault, especially Zarkon.

But he wasn’t here, and Keith was, and Keith was Galra, and she felt so _lied to_  and _betrayed._ It didn’t matter to her that he didn’t know, he was a lying Galra spy and _of course_  he was going to betray them. It was only a matter of time…

Thinking about it now, she feels ashamed. The others can try to justify her actions all they want, to brush it off and say that she had been justified in her feelings, but in the end she knew that wasn’t true. The paladin’s _understood_  her feelings and sympathized with them, and that most certainly wasn’t the same as her actions being justifiable.

She wonders if the other paladins see her reconciliation with Keith as her forgiving him, as if being born were somehow his fault. It’s a mistake to think this way. She hadn’t forgiven him for anything, he forgave her and she accepted him for what he was.

Except he was half human, and she keeps forgetting that in favor of the part of him that’s Galra.

And maybe that idea also comes from the fact she’s still struggling to accept the idea that not all Galra are evil. And it’s hard, it’s very hard, after everything the Empire has taken, but she likes to think that accepting Keith is the first step in a long line of learning for her.

So she gathers up the little knowledge she had gathered of Keith before she knew he was Galra and collects the little information like puzzle pieces, determined to put together a picture of the red paladin that included the human part of him…

…Only to come up with scattered pieces and an unclear picture of a boy who was far too silent…

Allura had a fairly clear view of all her other paladins. From the proudly “Cuban” and flirtatious Lance who had a large family and loved skincare, to the far more silent Shiro who didn’t speak much of his family, but dropped enough hits that she could feel the pride radiating off him, and loved gently watching the stars outside the window when he finally allowed himself a moment of peace. She could name every member of Pidge’s family and their pet “dog”, and list every holiday tradition they shared. And even Hunk’s hobbies and love for his culture were offhand knowledge to her.

Being Galra and good with a sword were all Allura really knew about him.

So she starts trying to put together clues she picked up from the other paladins. Shiro and he were close, apparently having a rather close relationship even before Shiro’s capture by the Galra, enough that Keith’s true lineage hadn’t even phased a man that my tortured by the very people the boy turned out to be descended from. It spoke volumes of their relationship, and Allura couldn’t help but wonder as to the nature of it.

Lance also had some deep resentment for the boy, something that was born long before she’d met them, and the details to which she wasn’t privy to. All she knew for certain was that it had something to so with their schooling, and it was enough to spark a fierce rivalry between them. Though, it seemed to be far more complicated than that if Keith’s fondness for Lance and disappointment at rejection of attempts to reach out to him were any indication.

So she knew two things for certain; he had a relationship with the paladins before Voltron, even if not as close to some as others, and he didn’t know about his Galran heritage until recently.

There…wasn’t a lot she could draw from that.

So she resolved to fix the issue.

During her next bit of free time she resolved to seek Keith out an engage him in a private conversation. As expected, she had found him on the training deck, the most reliable place to find him on the ship, so she entered and coughed loud enough to catch his attention once he finished the latest trail against the training program.

“End training level six.” Keith called, and that was a rather high number for casual training, which was concerning, but she chose to ignore it now in favor of making sure she had time with the red paladin. He turned to her, eyebrows drawn in clear confusion, “What can I do for you princess? Is something wrong?”

“Keith.” She greeted, keeping her voice level and respectful for her paladin, “It has come to my attention that I know very little about your human heritage. It has been made clear to be that the cultures of your planet are separated into “countries” and that each country has it’s own sub-category of cultural identity. I wish to learn of your own cultural experiences on earth.”

Keith blinked, a single eyebrow flying into his hairline, _“Why?”_

Allura frowned slightly, understanding of the confusion even if she wasn’t entirely pleased by the implications of it, “I wish to learn of the cultures of all my paladins. It is very important to me that I understand and learn of their cultures and habits so that we may bond and be closer.”

Keith continued to stare at her in confusion, but he must have been willing to try anyway, because he tried to answer her, “I’m…Korean…”

Allura has no idea what the difference between an Italian, like Pidge, and a Korean, like Keith is. It becomes very clear to her that this conversation is going to need _far_  more prompting than she had originally anticipated.

“Let us move to a more comfortable location, shall we?” Allura prompts, deciding that they’d need to sit down for this conversation, “I would like to hear more details of your culture.”

“I…” Keith starts, free hand coming up to the back of his neck, Bayard deactivating as he hooks it onto his belt loop, “…actually don’t know anything about Koreans.”

Allura frowns at this, “Why not? Are you not one of them?”

“It’s kind of like the Galra thing.” Keith sighs, trying to hide the way he physically deflates under the weight of the confession, “My dad was the Korean one, but he was raised away from the Koreas, and even if he did know anything about Korean culture…he… didn’t get a chance to teach me anything about it.”

Allura paused at that.

That…had some unfortunate implications.

“Still…” Allura trailed off, trying to find another foot in the conversation. Her end goal had not changed, even if there was an obvious obstacle in her path, “Someone had to have raised you.”

“The foster system.” Keith shrugged, “Then Aki for a bit.”

Allura blinked, unfamiliar with these words. The “foster system” and “Aki” had never come up in conversation with any of the other paladins. She shook her head, ridding herself of unnecessary thoughts, “I have never heard either of these words; would you care to explain them to me?”

“Oh.” Keith blinked, “I’m sorry. I thought…”

Keith shook his head, seemingly ridding himself of unnecessary thoughts, “Never mind, you should ask Shiro about Aki. As for the foster system…well…he foster system is where they send kids who don’t have parents…well…that or an orphanage.”

Allura blinked, unfamiliar with the new word as well, “How does such a system work? I am unfamiliar with such a thing. Are the children not taken in by relatives after their parents have passed?”

Keith’s eyebrow hit his hairline again, “What did Altea do if the relatives couldn’t take in the kids? Or didn’t want to?”

“They stayed in the castle of the nobility in charge of the region.” Allura informed, a sense of dread filling her, “The consort of the house was in charge of seeing to their care.”

“Sounds a little like an orphanage.” Keith shrugged, “Sounds just as overcrowded too.”

“Why would it be overcrowded? Castles are rather large.” Allura frowned further, not liking that implication either, “Was…there a purge on Earth?”

“When isn’t there?” Keith snorted, a look that was as cynical as it was accepting, “But, no, the orphans didn’t live in castles, they were usually stuffed in boarding houses. And there wasn’t a purge or anything, there’s just a lot of unwanted kids, or kids without parents. You know how it works.”

No, she really didn’t, because the concept of an unwanted child was horrifying. Alteans weren’t even _capable_  of conception unless they wanted a child and took active steps to fertilize themselves. It was incredibly difficult to have children, and the thought that a parent could have _never_  wanted their child was foreign and strange to her.

Was…this _common_  among more fertile species? Or was human culture more horrifying than the paladins painted? She wouldn’t pretend that Altea didn’t have it’s darkness, with histories of bloody wars and murders, but the concept of an unwanted child just seems so _strange._

“Were…you…?” She trails off, unable to finish the sentence.

“I wasn’t in an orphanage.” Keith shrugs, “I was in the foster system. The way that works is they set a kid up with a willing family for however long that family is willing to keep them. They get paid for it sometimes too. I never knew my mom, don’t know what happened to dad, so I got passed around a few homes none ever lasted long.”

“That’s…” Allura wasn’t sure what, exactly, she should say to that.

“Don’t worry about it.” Keith shrugs, “I got through my last foster home, then Aki took me in, and I’m here.”

“Well…that’s…certainly interesting.” Allura tried, the conversation had taken such a far turn from what she had expected that she wasn’t sure what to say.

“It’s fine.” Keith shrugs, “It happens. I lived through it.”

“How long did you say you were part of this system?” Allura decided to follow the trail of conversation, uncertain where else it would leave her.

“Five years.” Keith leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, refusing to look her in the eyes.

And, first slowly and then all at once, the red paladin wasn’t a Galra anymore. It was difficult to explain, but he seemed more…real…somehow, more like an individual than he’d ever seemed before. Before, he was Keith, the red paladin, who was good at swordplay and had a temper like the red lion’s. Now, he seemed much small and larger all at once. He wasn’t so Galra now, caged up inside himself and sharing an overview of his childhood, so obviously ashamed of where he’d come from that it made him look younger somehow.

He looked more _human_  now.

“And then you entered into this Aki’s custody?” Allura put together, “Is that a system as well?”

“No.” Keith shook his head, “Like I said, you should ask Shiro about her. He’s the one who should decide if he wants to share that.”

 _Her._ So someone had decided to raise him more permanently, someone related to Shiro in a way. A lover perhaps? Keith was certainly treating it like it was something that personal to the man.

“How did you end up in Aki’s custody?” She asked, wanting to know more, half in concern and half in morbid fascination for the strange and horrific way Keith was abandoned as a child, “Did the last family you were with give you to her?”

It was, in hindsight, the wrong thing to ask in that situation. She should have backed away from the conversation, talked to Shiro to get more information about such things, and come back later when she was more informed and could avoid setting off the red paladin.

She did not do this, however, and it was a mistake she would simply have to learn from; another in a long line of lessons she would learn from Keith it seemed.

Keith froze, his hands suddenly gripping his arms much too tightly, his face going rather pale as his eyes glazed over with something Allura couldn’t see. His shoulders shook a bit, but his body remained still, like he was trying to hide the shaking.

“Keith…?” Allura reached out a hand, intending to comfort the red paladin, “…are you…?”

But she didn’t get to finish her sentence, because Keith flinched back, away from her hand, raising his own hand defensively. He paused, blinking a bit, the dullness leaving his eyes, and he stared at her for a moment.

“I’m sorry.” Keith said hurriedly, putting his hands down, “I have to go.”

And so he walked away.

Allura watched him go, not moving to stop him, knowing that he wouldn’t respond well to her attempts at comfort now. These talks…they had gone badly. She should have moved to another topic long ago, asked about his training in swordsmanship, or his schooling, but she’d chosen the riskier path and failed to find the way through it. She’d gained valuable information of the puzzle that was her red paladin, but she feared she may have pushed too far.

She’d have to meet him later and apologize.


	4. Nightmares

Coran felt a sort of fatherly affection for the paladins.

The affection wasn’t anywhere near as strong as what he felt for Allura, who was Alfor’s daughter and whom he had helped raise from infancy, so intertwined in her life that he might as well have been her second father.

No, the affection he felt for the paladins couldn’t possibly be that strong, but it had it’s own deepness that he wouldn’t deny.

The paladins themselves he had an equal amount of affection for. Each and every one of the paladins were interesting an unique in their own way, with their own charms and ways of worming into this old heart.

They were also so very, very, young.

Even the oldest, Shiro, seemed so _young_  to him.

It…did not do his old heart well to see children as young as them on the frontline. Shiro may have been an adult by the standards of his species, but the rest of the paladins were clearly still within their development cycle.

They were so _young,_ and Coran couldn’t help the pure twinge of _fear_  that filled him every time they were sent out to battle.

He’d like to think that no reasonable grown adult would blame him if, during his downtime, he subtly went about checking on each and every one of the paladins.

Now, he knew very well that each and every one of the paladins were having troubles being in space. They had not been prepared for this mission, and they most certainly had not been able to get their affairs in order and say goodbye to their friends and family. They had, of course, become a family unit of their own, but it did not change the fact that they had not been prepared to suddenly leave their old lives behind without word.

Each and every one of the paladins had taken to coping with the guilt and stress of their situation in their own ways, and if Coran wanted to make sure those ways stayed _healthy,_ well, one could hardly blame him.

Fatherly instincts helped.

One of the things he did was check on each and every one of the paladins every ship designated night time. He doesn’t always open the doors to their rooms and peek his head in. Sometimes just stopping outside their doorways is enough to tell him what they’re up to. Young Pidge is often up late into the sleep cycle working on her computers and tweaking technology, and that’s her way a coping with leaving her mother behind.

Coran often time finds the yellow paladin in the kitchens. Sometimes it seems to the man be never stops cooking or baking or whatever he’d experimenting with now. It’s how the young man has decided to vent out his own emotions over the course of his time here. “Stress cooking” he had called it, and the Altean had seated himself at the table and listened to the young boy vent about his worries, his fears, and the family he’d left being on the “Samoan Islands” back on his planet, and how his mother was beyond worried for him or thought he was dead.

Lance was, to Coran’s relief, the most healthy with coping. The blue paladin was very open with his emotions and had found relatively health ways of dealing with his homesickness and desire to see his family. The Altean rarely had to search for him at night, and more often times than not he would peak in the young man’s room to find him soundly sleeping with his beauty masks and a pair of headphones on. That’s not to say that the young man was _never_  up and wondering, but he seemed to at least found healthy and ways to experience his emotions.

Shiro, was a different story. The man was barely keeping it together most times, and Coran didn’t even need to open the door to the man’s room to see when he was having a nightmare. Often times, the Altean had found, he would end up wondering the halls blankly as he, strangely, made his way to young Keith’s room when the nightmares became particularly bad.

Young Keith, himself, was rather concerning as well. The red paladin had seemed to adopt a strategy of tiring his body out during the day so that he could fall into a deep sleep at night. It wasn’t helpful, as the boy was an exceptionally light sleeper and was woken very easily no matter how tired he had been when he fell into sleep. Coran had yet to find the lad sleeping without being fully dressed in his casual attire, shoes on, and ready to go at all hours of the night.

A good trait for a solider, a survivor, not so much for someone so _young._

It sometimes occurs to Coran, in sudden bursts of clarity, that Keith is very cagey about who he is. Not that the Altean blamed the young man, as the last few times the lad had tried to open himself up to the team he had been casually rejected, and outright detested in the case of his the reveal of his Galra heritage. Such incidents had left the young man simply incapable of opening up about the details of his past whenever he attempted to ask a bit.

And it occurs to him now, as he gently slides open the door to the red paladin’s room, sticking his head inside only to find the lad making soft but pained noises in his sleep.

Ah, a nightmare then.

Coran steps into the room and walks over to the young man’s bed, reaching out a hand to wake the boy, something he has done for other paladins from time to time when their nightmares are particularly bad, and the Altean has never even _heard_  the red paladin have a nightmare so he thinks this must be a particularly bad one for the boy and doesn’t think twice about it.

He reaches and places his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

What happened next was something that Coran most certainly did not expect.

One minute the man is standing, slightly bent over, with his hand on the boy’s shoulder. The next thing he knows he’s being punched squarely in the jaw, his arm grabbed, and his body being slammed into the ground. Keith is a screaming mess straddling his torso, a fist raised and ready to hit the Altean again, violet eyes blown wide and sweat gathered on the boy’s forehead.

 _“Coran?”_ The boy gasps, eyes sill wide and _fearful,_ fist lowering as he stared at the elderly man. Keith is looking around, checking every corner, hair sticking to his forehead as violet eyes roam the room, “…Where did Pa go?”

“Whom?”

“Never mind.” Keith shakes his head, moving to get off of the Altean. The boy is standing over him now, holding out a hand to help the man up, one he readily takes.

“I’m so sorry about that.” Keith apologizes sincerely, helping the man back into a standing position, “I didn’t hurt you too badly, did I?”

“It’s no issue lad!” Coran makes light of the situation despite the throbbing pain in his jaw. The lad certainly had a strong punch, but the Altean wasn’t particularly inclined to draw attention to the pain. The red paladin looked guilty enough right now, and he didn’t want to make the boy feel any worse right now after how utterly _terrified_  he had been before, “I’ve taken more than a good wallop in my day!”

“I’m still sorry.” Keith ducked his head in shame.

“And it is still no issue.” Coran reassured.

The red paladin is silent for several long moments, his head still ducked in shame as a silence settled between them. The boy eventually peeked a violet eye up, his face partially hidden by his hair, “What were you doing here anyway?”

Coran hummed, stroking his mustache, “I happened to be passing by and heard you having a night terror. I thought it best to wake you. Seems I was right to, you look rather startled lad.”

There are small bags under the boy’s eyes, and it’s clear he hadn’t been sleeping well at all. Keith looks away from him, choosing to stare at an empty corner of his room instead of the Altean.

It occurs to the Altean that the room is startlingly empty. Most of the other paladins had taken to personalizing their rooms and making them feel more homey and comforting to them, but neither Shiro nor Keith had made such attempts. Shiro had rationalized that he had gotten used to empty rooms for the mission he was captured by the Galra on, but Keith’s refusal to decorate just seemed strange.

Coran tucks away that little detail, deciding it was a worry best saved for another day, for now he would focus on the issue at hand. “Keith, lad, are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Keith replies after a few moments of silence, turning back to the older man, “You don’t have to worry about me Coran…it was just…I just freaked out for no reason.”

Coran frowns a bit. There clearly _was_  an issue with the boy, one he did not feel comfortable sharing at all. It wasn’t surprising at all, as he had become very familiar with the walls the boy had put up, but Coran had also become familiar enough with the boy to know that a little whittling at those wall would get him through eventually. Keith could be so much like a younger, more quite, Alfor at times.

“Well it certainly doesn’t seem like no reason.” Coran tugged at his moustache, “Nightmares typically are _something_  I find. Why, just last week I dreampt I was eaten alive by living food goo.”

It’s not true at all, but Coran hopes that it’s amusing enough to distract the boy enough to calm down from his panic.

The boy blinked at him, his face falling into confusion, he reached up to scratch the back of his head, “Uhh…I…my dream wasn’t anything like that.”

“Well I most certainly hope not!” Coran replied, shaking his head, “I wouldn’t recommend fighting living food goo with your fist for certain.”

Keith’s lips quirk the slightest bit, “No, I don’t think that would work out at all.”

“Hunk’s Bayard might work.” Coran chuckles, “Though I think Shiro’s arm would be most effective. He could burn the whole mess away.”

“Or Pidge could shock it into submission.” Keith replies, smiling a bit.

“That would certainly give that goo a good knocking!” Coran swings a fist playfully.

It’s the wrong thing to do.

Keith, the poor lad, visibly flinches back. He throws himself back a it, raising his hands slightly, as he pulls away from the man. The smile is gone from his face now, replaced by widened eyes and a tensed shoulders.

“Keith, lad.” Coran frowns now, “Are you _sure_  you’re alright?”

“I’m fine.” Keith shakes his head.

“Would you prefer it if I get Shiro?” Coran asks.

“No.” Keith shake his head again, voice firm, “Don’t wake up Shiro because of me, he doesn’t get enough sleep as it is.”

Coran hums, stroking his mustache as he studies the boy, he doesn’t want to leave Keith here, like this, but he also knows when not to push an issue. Instead, he thinks of something else, “Why don’t we head on off to the kitchens then? A little midnight snack never hurt the ole stomach.”

Keith’s face twists a bit, “I’m sorry…I…rather not.”

Coran frowns more heavily now, not sure what to do, “Are you sure lad? Not even for a drink? You’re looking rather pale.”

Keith shuffles in place, moving from foot to foot, “I think I’m just going to get back to sleep.”

Coran deflates, disheartened, very much not wanting to leave the boy here, but also knowing that there was nothing for he could do for now. Someday, he would whittle through those wall, but for now Keith wanted to be alone, and the Altean knew enough about Keith to know that prying more would do more harm than good. He sighs, staring into the boy’s eyes, “Alright then, but I’m here for you if you ever need to talk. Don’t be afraid to come to my doorstep anytime.”

“Thanks Coran.” Keith moves, sitting back on his bed, shoes still on his feet even as he moves to throw himself back under the blankets, ready to run or fight even as he sleeps, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight lad.” Coran hums, making his way towards the door, “Pleasant dreams.”

He leaves the room, letting out a disappointed breath as he takes gentle steps away from the door. He makes his way through the rest of his rounds with slightly dampened spirits, and takes relief from the fact that none of the other paladins seem to be worse for ware tonight.

Still, he doesn’t sleep easy that night, worry for the red paladin haunting his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For questions, comments, or requests please follow me at my Tumblr @ [msbluebell](http://msbluebell.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	5. Abandonment

Watching Keith train was a lot like watching him fly in the simulator back at the Garrison.

Normally, no one would catch Lance dead in the training room while, not if he had something better to do, but sometimes even he felt like he needed to brush up on his skills. They were in a war and all, and he wasn’t dumb enough to completely ignore training. Sure, he thought that the scheduled training Shiro, Coran, and Allura set up was enough, but sometimes the anxiety did set in and he found himself in the training room. The only problem with that was Keith was almost _always_  in the training room. It wasn’t a constant thing, but if someone were looking for the guy than they’d definitely want to check here first.

Anyway, so back to his point, watching Keith train was like watching him get perfect scores back at the Garrison.

How a guy could be so _perfect_  at everything he did was beyond Lance. And it was _infuriating_  to watch. The guy seriously pissed him off sometimes, with his stupid mullet and his stupid talent, effortlessly taking top spot as the number one fighter pilot in the program. Iverson compared _everyone_  in the program to Keith, even after the guy got kicked out Iverson _constantly_  brought him up every time someone made a mistake.

Lance ended up hearing Keith’s name a lot.

Not that he hadn’t heard Keith’s name a lot before that. Keith was like a superstar walking through the Garrison hallways. Everyone was always talking about how cool he was, or how smart he was, or how talented he was. It was like the guy was a walking celebrity or something. Girls had crushes on him and teachers adored him, it was a nightmare.

Even Shiro, his personal hero, noticed the guy.

Lance just couldn’t see what was so great about the guy, not until he saw him fly the flight simulator for the first time.

Watching Keith fly for the first time, even in that crummy simulator, was like watching a dance. It was beautiful, graceful, flawless. Keith was an _amazing_  pilot and everyone knew it. After watching him for the first time Lance couldn’t help but feel so _small_  in comparison. Even with fourteen other people standing in front of him being the best of the best, Lance never felt hopeless until he watched Keith in that simulator.

That’s what watching Keith fighting felt like.

There wasn’t nearly the same sting, because Lance wasn’t a big sword guy despite everything. He was a sharpshooter, and he felt more comfortable snipping through a lends than he did getting up close and personal. Not that he didn’t think he _couldn’t_  kick but with a sword, but he knew rifles were his real strength. So watching Keith dance around with his stupid and impractical sword, somehow being skilled enough _not_  to break his wrist with the handle, didn’t leave nearly the same amount of bitterness in him.

So, yeah, watching Keith fight was something else. As far as Lance could tell, and he wasn’t an expert so his opinion should be taken with a grain of salt here, but he didn’t think Keith had formal sword training or anything. The guy must have had _some_  kind of training with moving around and bouncing himself off walls and spinning his heels a lot, but he didn’t do any of the professional sword stuff Lance used to watch on those fantasy movies Veronica liked. Keith was more like…an acrobat holding a sword. He definitely did a lot more swinging than thrusting with the thing, but that could also be because of that handle thing going on with his sword…

Alright, fine, Lance didn’t actually know much about where Keith learned to fight. The guy knew a thing or two for sure, but where he’d gotten it was lost on the paladin. The Garrison trained them to shoot and shield themselves, but there were definitely wasn’t any sword training. There was some self-defense classes, but Keith’s style didn’t follow the basic Garrison training courses for those either.

Keith dominated in the those self-defense courses too. He got in trouble for being too aggressive in those courses, and snapping too much at people during them, but even then Keith was only given a slap on the wrist because no one wanted to punish the number one student for being an asshole.

Stupid, perfect, Keith Kogane who was good at _everything_  he did. He was always showing everyone up and getting special treatment for it.

Lance felt his blood boil and he was suddenly marching into the training room before he even knew what he was doing.

Keith turned to him, looking away from the training bot for a moment before turning back to it, “End simulation.”

“Hey man.” Lance tries, because the righteous anger died down on the way over here and he’s suddenly not sure why he’s here. He knew Keith wasn’t a bad guy, not the way he sometimes liked to pretend Keith was, and he knew that all that stuff about Keith getting special treatment was just angry bullshit, so now the Cuban is left to just stand there awkwardly while his rival stared at him.

“Lance.” Keith nodded in acknowledgement, a little tense. They had a weird relationship, the two of them, and Lance couldn’t really describe it. Keith is his rival, the guy he wanted to beat, but at the same time they’d been growing weirdly close lately and it’s leaving him confused and not knowing what to do with _the…the…fondness_  he felt for pale jerk.

It was confusing. Things about Keith had always been confusing, but things had been a lot more confusing ever since _that…thing_  that definitely didn’t happen and all the other, smaller, incidents that followed.

“Getting some training in?” Lance asked, kicking himself at the useless question, because _of course_  the guy was getting some training in. What kind of dumb question was that? Stupid, _stupid…_

“Yeah.” Keith nodded, turning to face Lance fully, and for a moment blue eyes lock on a bead of sweat that dripped down the side of Keith’s right temple an-NOPE! NO! No!

“That’s cool.” Lance swallowed a bit, and his eyes are trying their best to settle on Keith’s stupid V-neck, but he thinks that he’s doing a good job keeping them from going that way, “How’s that working for you?”

“I’m trying to improve on my parrying.” Keith shrugged, “I mostly focus on quick takedowns if I can, and dodging, so I want to improve my weak spots.”

Lance had seen Keith parry, he was good at it, really good. The brunette definitely wouldn’t call it a “weak spot”.

“Like you need it.” Lance snorted.

Keith frowned lightly, “I really do. If I don’t improve them than the Galra could eventually notice it and use it do their advantage.”

 _That_  sounded like paranoia to Lance, but it was obvious that Keith had been obsessing about it for a while. He’d been thinking about it long enough to convince himself to himself it was an actual problem that the Galra would notice at any point. If this were earlier in their relationship he would have viciously mocked Keith for it, but they’ve been through to much lately and Lance had actually come to…like…Keith enough not to.

They were still rivals, don’t get him wrong, but now he thinks he doesn’t feel the need to snap at Keith the way he used to when this whole…thing…started between them.

“I doubt the Galra are obsessively watching your fighting moves.” Lance shrugged.

“I don’t want to take the risk.” Keith gave his own shrug, shuffling uncomfortably in place, looking down at his sword with a frown, “It doesn’t hurt to get better.”

“You say that like you’re not the best of the best.” Lance found himself saying without meaning to, “I’ve seen you out there, you’re like a damned samurai or something. Not a lot of people can take down as many people as you do.”

Keith sucked in a breath, turning red at the rare compliment, “You…think so?”

Lance paused, unused to the humbleness Keith suddenly developed. He was, like, ninety percent certain that Keith was an arrogant asshole, so this threw him off a bit. He shifted a bit, scratching the back of his head,

“Uhhh, yeah man, you’re…really good. Like, the best.”

Keith swelled a bit, giving a _really_  soft smile. He looked _so proud,_ and Lance hadn’t seen Keith look like that since that little talk they had in Keith’s room that confused the shit out of him and sent his emotions all out of whack lately. Lance’s brained short-circuited a bit at the sight, taking in the imagine as it burned itself into his brain.

“Thanks.” Keith’s pinkish lips twitched.

This wasn’t _fair._ Keith was supposed to be an asshole. When had the guy gotten so…so…

Lance shook his head. Okay, he’d admit it, he thought Keith looked really pretty right now. Keith was a pretty person in general, but he was an especially pretty person when he was flying, or fighting, or when he was being soft like this. It didn’t make sense to the brunette, who always found arrogant hot-heads like Keith ugly because of their attitudes. Because nothing killed attraction like a bad attitude, and Keith used to go around the Garrison all alone, acting like he was too damn good for anyone else. Lance never saw the guy talking to anyone, or eating lunch with anyone, or…or…trying to make friends with their other classmates.

Keith acting _so…so...weird_  didn’t make sense. He’d always been acting weird, ever since they got to space.

The guy had been trying to reach out more, make connections with them, acting all aggressive when he thought something was trying to hurt them, and he _listened_  when Lance made plans.

It was like Keith _respected_  him, and Lance didn’t know how to deal with that.

Lance shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts, not ready to deal with them right now. He looked back at Keith, still pinkish from the exertion and sweaty from training. The tanned boy swallowed down a lump that formed in his throat, “You should take a break man…you…look tired.”

Keith brought an arm up to rub the trail away from his forehead, clearing the trail, but also getting inky locks stuck against the skin, “Yeah, I should probably hit the showers and call it quits for today.”

Lance’s brain short-circuited a bit at that. Sure, he knew that Keith had to wash himself sometime, but still…

“Sounds like a plan.” Lance’s throat was a bit dry again.

“Yeah.” Keith nodded, deactivating his Bayard. He rolled his shoulders back, causing them to crack a bit, and his muscles moved to meet the action. Keith cracked his neck, working out the kinks from his training, before he settled his eyes on Lance, “What are you doing here? Getting some training in?”

“Y-Yeah.” Lance scratched the back of his head, holding up his Bayard but not activating it yet, “I just wanted to get in some target practice, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get it.” Keith nodded, “I’d offer to help, but guns are definitely more your thing. I don’t think I could offer anything.”

That…

Did Keith just…?

“Are you saying I’m _better_ than you at something?” Lance smiled smugly, unable to help the sudden wave of giddiness that spread through him, because _Keith Kogane,_ former Garrison star student before his stupid ass kicked out, just admitted that Lance was _better_  at something.

“Yes.” Keith made an annoyed grunt, crossing his arms as his face fell, “You’re a better shot with rifles, I never denied that.”

Lance felt his ego swell to new highs, smirking as he relished in the moment, “Well, well, well. Looks like we’ll have to mark this day on calendars. You’ve finally admitted I’m better than you at something.”

“I never denied it.” Keith frowned, annoyed now and narrowing his eyes a bit, “We all have different strengths and weaknesses Lance, trying to label someone as better than someone else is toxic.”

Lance jerked back a bit, blinking in confusion. He hadn’t…really expected that from Keith. Not star student, haunting every pilot in the Garrison even after he was gone, Keith Kogane.

Then, Lance felt himself get mad again, because who was _Keith_  to say that? Stupid Keith who hadn’t had anyone lorded over _him._ Stupid Keith who hadn’t lived in anyone’s shadow like the rest of them. Stupid Keith who’d been talented enough to catch _Shiro’s_  attention, and who’d never been told to live up to the example he left behind.

“You just don’t want to accept that I’m better than you at something.” Lance snapped at the boy, causing Keith to jerk back a bit, “Well, guess what? You don’t get to take it back!”

“I wasn’t _trying_  to take it back Lance.” Keith snapped back, crossing his arms defensively, a habit that Lance had taken notice of recently.

“Yeah, _right.”_ Lance hissed, stepping forward to glare at Keith more fiercely, “Because you don’t have any ego riding on it _at all.”_

“I _don’t.”_ Keith defended, “I’m trying to compliment you Lance.”

“It sure doesn’t _sound_  like it.” Lance hisses, his pride bruised by Keith’s backtracking, “It _sounds_  like you were trying to give me a back handed compliment.”

“I was _not.”_ Keith snapped, hissing a bit. He seemed to realized he lost his temper pretty quick, though, and backed off. The ravenette backed off a little, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes closed, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, “Look, I’m sorry it sounded that way, I didn’t mean to come off as a jerk.”

“Well, you did.” Lance hissed, glaring at the guy, “Probably because you’re a jerk.”

“I _apologized.”_ Keith snapped his eyes back open, “What more do you want from me Lance?”

“I _want_  you to stop being such an arrogant jerk all the time!” Lance stepped forward, “You think you’re _so_  much better than everyone else! Well guess what Keith! You’re not!”

“I never said I _was.”_ Keith crossed his arms again, _“You’re_  putting words in my mouth and getting defensive over nothing!”

“It’s not nothing!” Lance snapped, because it _wasn’t_  nothing. It was everyone who ever looked down on Lance and told him he wasn’t good enough, it was just barely missing the fighter pilot program, it was his place on the team, or Iverson’s scolding, or _everything else_  that made Keith _so great,_ “It’s you being an arrogant jerk! It’s no wonder no one wants you around!”

Keith hissed, his face twisting in a mix of hurt and rage, stomping his foot angrily, his body tensing up as he basically growled, _“Fine._ You’re right, I’m a jerk! Happy!?”

Lance didn’t get a chance to answer, because Keith was stomping out the room angrily, slamming the door open and his heavy footsteps sounding until the door closed behind him. The Cuban boy watched him got, steaming in his own anger until long after the pale boy marched off.

Stupid Keith.

Lance hissed, ignoring the way his stomach dropped, whipping back the angry tears that started to spill from his eyes. Why should _he_  feel bad? Keith was the one who was being a jerk.

Suddenly, Lance wasn’t in the mood to train anymore, but he couldn’t find it in himself to leave. Instead, he fell into a sitting position, letting the frustrated tears flow.

Fuck, he hadn’t actually meant to snap.

Lance shook his head, grabbing his hair, angry and frustrated with himself for the way things had turned out. He hated the way his stomach rolled with guild, and he wanted it to _stop_  because it wasn’t his fault Keith was a backpedaling _jerk._

Still, the hurt look on Keith’s face…

Okay, maybe Lance had gone a little too far, and maybe he blew that whole thing our of proportion, but that still didn’t keep Keith from being an arrogant jackass. What gave him a right to act like that anyway? He didn’t know what it was like to have to live in the shadow, to constantly have to try and live up to the impossible standards someone else had set up. Had Keith struggled with anything in his life? Did you even know what it was like to work _so hard_  for something only to miss the mark and have all of that hard work go to waste. Keith probably cruised on by on his natural talent and good looks, he didn’t get what it _meant_  to _finally_  get that recognition from the _one person_  he’d been trying to beat only to have it snatched away from him.

Stupid Keith.

Lance stood up, whipping away the tears forcibly, going to follow after the other paladin, refusing to be the jerk in this situation. He cooled down a bit, able to reorganize his face and straighten himself out before he reached the other paladin’s room.

Lance stood in front of the door, hand raised, trying to swallow his pride and knock. He sighed, swallowing back a lump, lowering his hand, resting his forehead against the door while he tried to builds courage.

His ears perked as he caught a soft sound from the other side.

Sniffing.

A sob.

Some angry curses.

Was Keith _crying_  in there?

Lance froze, his forehead still pressed against the door, his whole body going tense as he listened in on the other boy. A new wave of guilt washed over him as he realized that, yes, Keith _was_  crying in there.

Lance backed away, shaking his head, he hadn’t meant to do that. He hadn’t meant to make the guy _cry._ He hadn’t even really meant to _snap_  at the guy.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was especially hard for me because I wanted to keep the canon bickering and hit Keith's trigger without making Lance into the bad guy. I love both Lance and Keith dearly, and I don't want to make either one of them seem like the "bad guy" here. None of the other paladins are "bad guys" and that's not the point of this story. Miscommunication and preconception is the only villan here.
> 
> For questions, comments, or requests please follow me at my Tumblr @ [msbluebell](http://msbluebell.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	6. Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to update before season 6 came out and possibly destoryed the possiblity of my story being canon compliant. So enjou an early update guys! Try to survive the new season tomorrow if you're watching (like I will be). I might cry. :')

Shiro loves Keith.

He’s loved Keith ever since the he’d first laid eyes on the boy all those years ago, after his mom had called him out of the blue during one of his lectures at the Garrison and dropped the bombshell that she’d “accidentally” adopted a kid, and he’d dropped everything and brought a round trip ticket back home just to meet the boy.

He wasn’t going to lie, the moment he saw tiny little Keith in his oversized clothes and his mop of messy hair, shifting from one foot to the other next to his mom, Shiro was gone for the kid. Instant protectiveness, big brother level maxed. And then mom had introduced the little guy as his “new little brother” and he was gone.

Taking custody of Keith after mom was gone had been one of the easiest of the easiest decisions of his life. Leaving him to go on the Kerberos mission? One of the hardest. But he was confident he’d only be gone a few months, and that Keith would be okay under Garrison watch until then.

Then the Galra happened.

It all worked out in the end. It was hard, oh it was hard, but he and Keith are both okay. Shiro was probably going to _sue_  the Garrison if he ever made it back to Earth, for more than one reason, but for the most part they were alright.

Keith had _definitely_  regressed during Shiro’s time captured by the Galra. It hadn’t escaped his notice that his brother had been hold up in a shack with no adult and no easy access to food and water. Isolation like that was the _last_  thing someone like Keith needed, and even _thinking_  about it made Shiro’s already worryingly high blood pressure spike.

 _Years_  of recovery, undone just like _that_ , and Shiro still wasn’t even sure why Keith had been expelled in the first place.

Still, they were _fine_  now, for the most part. Sure, he had a whole new level of PTSD to deal with, and he was suddenly an adult responsible for a small team of teenagers who were less than ready to be thrown into war, one of which was said brother who had his own PTSD to deal with, but they were fine all things considered.

Or that’s what he tells himself during the day, when he’s trying to remember where he is and why he shouldn’t let himself become startled by the sudden loud noises Lance and Pidge were prone to make, or the Coran’s prodding, or Allura’s harshness with their training.

At night though…

He walks the hallways most nights, or what they decided was night, either way he usually ends up with less sleep than was honestly healthy. He can’t sleep anymore, because the beds are too soft and he doesn’t trust how _quite_  everything is. Sometimes he’s able to manage an uneasy night of sleep, but he rarely feels fully rested.

It only on nights when he just _can’t_  find any peace that he goes to Keith’s room.

Shiro’s the big brother, he’s promised to take care of Keith, he promised _his mother_  that he would take care of Keith, but he can’t help but feel like he failed at that every time he admits defeat and throws back his blankets to make the familiar trek to the red paladin’s room. But he knew that wasn’t true. He failed a long time ago though, the moment he agreed to the Kerberos, when he left Keith alone on Earth. Kerberos was supposed to make everything better, to give them enough money to live comfortably, to pay off the money they owed the hospitals.

Shiro shook his head as he quietly made his way down the dimmed hallways. His room wasn’t very far from Keith’s, and it’s easy to sneak inside without alerting any of the other paladins to his habit. Not that he was _ashamed_ , but he was their leader and he needed to _keep it together_ …

Shiro shook his head, waving off the thoughts.

“Keith.” He knocked on the red paladin’s door, “Can I come in?”

There wasn’t an answer. Shiro waited a bit for the boy to respond before deciding that his brother must be asleep. He cracked open the door silently, peaking inside just to make sure Keith was really there. He peaked inside further, seeing his brother’s limp form on the bed, fully clothed an on top of the blankets.

“Keith?” Shrio frowned, slipping inside and closing the door behind him, “Are you awake?”

Keith made a small noise, indicating he was awake, but he didn’t bother moving. The pale boy just laid there, not even bothering to turn as Shiro made his way over and settled onto the edge of the bedding. He reached out, his hand barely brushing the younger brother’s shoulder, “Keith?”

The raven headed boy didn’t even move.

“Keith? Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Shiro shook the boy’s shoulder lightly. Keith sighed a bit, rolling over to face the older man, which was progress at least.

Violet eyes flickered upward to meet brown, “No.”

Shiro let out a heavy sigh. There were only two reasons Keith ever got like this, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it right now, “Is it the flashbacks?”

Keith didn’t even twitch.

“Is it mom or your foster family?” Shiro prodded gently.

Keith flinched a bit.

“Your foster family?”

Violet eye squeezed shut, and Keith’s pale body curled a bit in on itself as he tried to make himself smaller, as if he could somehow hide from the memory if he made himself small as possible. He was a pitiful sight, so _small_  beneath Shiro’s hand that the older man couldn’t help the stabbing pain his heart felt at the sight.

“Me too.” Shiro exhaled, his whole body deflating as he pulled his hand away, “I keep seeing the arena tonight. I don’t know _why_ , I just do.”

Everything was quite for a moment, neither brother wanting to speak under the weight of the horrors they remembered. Shiro leaned back, his back hitting the wall, head lulling back as he stared emptily at the roof.

There wouldn’t be any comfort tonight, not the way they usually did, with Shiro slipping into the bed and Keith watching his back. No, tonight they were both a wreak.

“How did it end up like this?” Shiro asked no one in particular. They were a mess, out in space, with a whole universe that needed them to _keep it together_  long enough to take down the Galra Empire. They couldn’t slow down, or stop, they needed to keep going, and I was taking it’s toll.

Shiro rolled his head to look at Keith, “I keep seeing it in my head, I keep hearing the crowd, cheering all the time.”

Keith, still curled into himself, spoke with a voice too soft for him, “I keep seeing the dinner table.”

Brown eyes slipped closed as the older brother hummed. He slipped down the wall, falling to his side as reached out an arm to pat the younger boy’s head, “It’s not real.”

“It _feels_  real.” Keith shook his head, “And it keeps coming back and coming back. I ran away from Hunk the other day because I thought he was Ma for a moment.”

“I know.” Shiro admitted, petting the smaller boy’s head, “He told me about it. He was worried”

That caused Keith to curl further in on himself, “I’m so sorry.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Shiro reassured, “You know that.”

“You’re wrong.” Keith shook his head, burying his face in his arms, “It _feels_  like it is.”

“That’s how those bastards wanted you to feel.” Shiro brushed his fingers through Keith’s hair, “But they’re not here anymore. They’re still rotting in jail all the way back on Earth, and you’re _here_ , surrounded by people who _love_  you."

"They hate me." Keith shook his head, voice cracking just a bit, “They don’t want me around.”

“Keith, you know that’s not true.” Shiro reassured, “There’s not a single person on this ship that wouldn't jump between you and the bastards that hurt you.”

The pale boy shook his head.

Shiro exhaled, turning on his back as he decided that a different tactic was needed for now, “I’d like to think they’d do the same for me. Even if I don’t want them to.”

“They would.” Keith answered, “You’re amazing Shiro.”

The older man let out a humorless chuckle, “I’m really not Keith.”

“Of course you are.” Keith turned to face him, “You’re Shiro, everyone back at the Garrison loved you.”

“And the Garrison turned out to be awful.” Shiro shrugged, trying to keep the scold off his face, “Look at what they did to us.”

Keith quieted down at that, his body still limp, but unfurled now, “You’re still amazing Shiro. The Garrison didn’t deserve you.”

“They didn’t deserve you either.” Shrio shrugged, “They didn’t deserve any of us, so forget them.”

Keith was quite again, his eyes flickering downward in thought before re-meeting Shiro’s own brown orbs, “I punched Iverson and permanently damaged his eye.”

Shiro huffed, trying to hold back his laugh, “That was wrong Keith, even if he deserved it. What would mom say?”

“She’d wonder why I didn’t take out the other eye.” Keith’s lips twitched.

“She would.” Shiro snorts, “But you can’t go punching people Keith, even if they are Iverson.”

“A bit late for that speech.” Keith shoots back, “I’ve got no future now.”

“I’m sure saving the universe will get you a job somewhere.” Shiro shrugged, “You can definitely put that on a resume.”

“Why would that even get me hired as?” Keith raises a brow, “A cop?”

“It’d be less dangerous than what we’re doing now.” Shiro huffs, pulling back the blankets and sliding himself under as he tried to find a comfortable position, “But let’s talk about that later, right now I’m tired.”

Keith snorts, “The moment we go to sleep we’ll just have flashbacks.”

“Not if we calm down and ease each other into sleep.” Shiro shakes his head, turning back on his side, “It almost worked on _me_  just now.”

Keith silently looks away, turning his back on the older man as he moves to crawl under the blankets himself, making it easier for Shiro to cover himself as the boy’s weight was taken off the top of the blankets. The lay there for a moment, both quite as the try to figure out how this would work tonight. The new dynamic between them is still new enough to not have adapted well, and they hadn’t both been like this at the same time yet.

“You’re not there.” Keith tries first, back still facing the older man, the smaller boy pulling his half of the blankets tighter around himself as if the flimsy fabric would protect him, “You’re safe. I’m here, and I’ve never seen the arena.”

“I know.” Shiro shakes his head, “I’m glad you never saw it Keith, it was…awful. I don’t ever want you to see it.”

“I won’t.” Keith shook his head, “You won’t let them get me.”

“No.” Shiro answers firmly, a sudden resolve filling him, “I won’t. I won’t let anyone get you. You’ll never see the arena, and you’ll never go back to that awful house, and you’ll never live alone in that shack again.”

“That’s a big promise.” Keith remarks simply.

“One I’m going to keep.” Shiro nods to himself, he raises his mechanical arm to stare at it, nodding at the limp,

“You’ll never see that arena.”

“No. I won’t.” Keith nodded, “And you’ll never see Ma’s kitchen.”

“Right.” Shiro rests his head against the pillow, letting his shoulders relax, “You’re here, and you’ll never see the arena.”

“And you’re here.” Keith nods along, facing Shiro again, “And you’ll never see the kitchen.”

Keith is relaxing a bit now, straightening out beneath the blankets, he still has his clothes on, and his shoes, but his body is less tense and Shiro can only take that as a good sign. The older brother lets his arm slip around the younger’s shoulders, pulling the smaller boy closer to him, “Is this alright?”

“I don’t think I’m going to attack you if I wake up.” Keith shrugs, “What about you?”

“I think I’ll be fine as long as you’re here.” The older brother breaths, “This…this helps.”

Keith shifts a bit closer, getting as close as he dares when he’s like this, trying to satisfy Shiro’s need for contact without over stimulating himself, “I’m sorry I can’t do more.”

“This is fine.” Shiro reassures, letting his whole body relax now, “As long as you’re comfortable. Don’t be afraid to pull away if you need to.”

“I think I should be good.” Keith relaxes into his brother’s hold.

All is quite for a moment, the two of them letting their bodies unwind and slowly settle into something ready for sleep, their eyes slipping closed a bit.

“Shiro?” Keith asked quietly, “Are we okay?”

“Better than if we were alone.” Shiro answers, eyes fully closed now, “We’re getting better together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time where the author answers a very important question many of you have been asking: "Where is Aki?"


End file.
